filthy cow manchester

Filthy Cow Manchester – The Best Burgers Ever

Follow me to the land of greed, gluttony and grease and smear a good amount of mayo over your face whilst you’re at it.

With the promise of thick ice cream shakes and burgers that tickle your forearms with meaty smears I should be full at the thought, or wanting to avoid it to save my arteries. I’ll admit it… tempt me with the fact that I can have a milkshake and a burger and you’re straight onto the top of my list (carefully hovering below coffee of course, but there is a time and a place and Friday nights are much more suited to burgers than flat whites). I’ve already decided.

A newcomer to the already booming burger scene of Manchester comes the Filthy Cow. Being hungover could probably prove more of an excuse to visit such a place, would you feel less filthy yourself after visiting? But sober as ever, I ambled around the side streets of Manchester, near St Anne’s Square, pushed on by the promise of sinking down a thick shake, I went inside. Milkshakes satisfy my inner child, I get to have ice cream at the same time as my dinner, my mum would be horrified at the thought. That’s not saying I haven’t already considered saving room for a dessert, I’d already scanned the menu for the cheesecake on offer. The treadmill won’t thank you for it though.

I stepped inside to a casual haven. Tables, some wood, some iron, were framed by bare brick walls. It had me feeling like I was about to scoff in a barn…but that was fine by me. These relaxed, uncomplicated theme venues seem to be sweeping through Manchester, knocking out any upright chairs and matching tables in its wake. Winking cows decorated the walls, although this did make me feel slightly judged whilst I waited for my burger. Maybe I should have apologised to the largely drawn cow for eating one of his brothers.

filthy cow manchester

Come upstairs and eat me…

With a small menu offered, for someone who struggles to decide on breakfast each morning, this was a gift. I went for the Filthy Cheese (£6.50), one patty with gherkin, tomato, lettuce and lashings of melty cheesy gooiness, ordered my milkshake and sides (£2.50) and the countdown to brain freeze and the meat sweats began. My milkshake arrived first, my eyes with childlike excitement drew in the sight. I went for the Vanilla thinking to myself, ‘You need to save some for the chips’…doesn’t everyone do that? And I didn’t have to wait long as the planet sized meat parcel arrived with the fries, onion rings and slaw. After some nifty unwrapping it was time. Chip in milkshake first…just to test. The chips were crunchy and piping hot, none of these soggy and warm ones I’ve been faced with in the past. I readied my forearms, cut in half and dived in. Just let me tell you this isn’t a place for first dates, the burgers send etiquette and politeness out the window with the meaty dribbles they produce. The dribbles can be excused, this was just what I wanted. So many times I’ve plucked up the courage to skip the salad and order a man sized burger feeling intimidated, yet been faced with a dry, greyish looking disc. But the juice that came from my burger made it all worth it. Swapping between chip, burger bite and milkshake I got full fast, unfortunately the dairy hit me first meaning some of the chips were left forgotten along with the bun. God, how full I felt was definatley worth it.

After sinking back into the chair and taking in what just happened to my taste buds, I felt beyond satisfied and slightly hazed by the meat and ice cream I’d just made such light work of. The slaw was my favourite, not drowned in mayo like most ones. I wouldn’t usually go for onion rings either, but with sage in the batter these were packed with flavour.

For many in Manchester, you’re finding yourself spoilt for choice when it comes to picking a burger spot. With new places opening monthly it seems. Each place giving you something you never realised you needed in your life. A doughnut burger, a grilled cheese stuffed with burger bites? Surely not. But Manchester has that, just for your inner greed monster.

Just do a Julia Roberts and buy yourself some big lady pants.

10 Tib Lane, Manchester, M2 4JB